Well, I dropped out of language school a few weeks ago. It started with being sick, then it was being out of town and then my pre paid 3 months was up. I didn’t really feel like forking over another 450 euro. So for the last few weeks I haven’t studied at all. Just when I think I am managing just fine without school, the barman at our neighbourhood bar made fun of me. Everyone thinks just because I am shy and don’t ramble on in Italian that I don’t know how to speak, or at least say “un Caffè”. Here’s how it all went down: I was at the bar with my suocera (mother in law), we were on the way back from my doctor appointment (more on that below) and I was kind of spacing out when he said something. I didn’t say anything back because I didn’t think he was even talking to me and I was deep in my own thoughts. Then he said something along the lines of “She still doesn’t speak any Italian?!?” Then my MIL said told him no only a little. At this point I had realized he was talking to me and in Italian asked what he had said. Apparently he wanted to know if I take my coffee in a tazzina o un vetro (a little mug or a shot glass). For one, no bar person has ever asked this to me, and two WHO THE HELL CARES!? The thing that really pissed me off was how I had just had a visit with my doctor and talked to him for a half hour in Italian about my medicine, how I was feeling and the upcoming plans for my medication. Did I mention this was ALL IN ITALIAN? Then when I don’t hear the bar guy ask me what my preference in coffee cup is, I am told I am basically an idiot for not speaking Italian. I know it’s not his fault, but I got no love from the MIL either. I mean, I talk to her the most out of everyone and our whole relationship takes place in Italian, but in her opinion I speak very, very little. I think maybe she is like protecting me from being embarrassed. I don’t know. I also think that people don’t actually realize how shy I am sometimes, especially when I have to think really hard before I speak. I don’t know, it’s just annoying to me. It makes me feel like I have made no progress even though I know I have. So after that whole scene I came home and signed up for Cyber Italian. I did the free trial and took the placement test and it seems pretty decent and a steal for only 40 dollars (not euro!). You get 6 months of self paced lessons, vocab, quizzes games and chats with a teacher and other students. I’m not sure what to expect, but we’ll see. I do know that I need some sort of structure or I just don’t study. I think this will be good for that.
****Ooohhh as I was writing this I realized there was a “chat with the professor” going on. I joined in and it was really fun! The teacher is an Italian living in Rome. I am quite impressed. Now I want to jump in and start the lessons. There are 2 chats a week, one in text and one over video. It seems cool and is 100 times cheaper than my school. I’ll keep you updated on how it goes. So far so good!****
Speaking of doctors (see above) I am so, so happy I have excellent doctors around me now. The one I saw the other day was my dermatologist. I have suffered from acne since I was like 14, it’s not the horrible disfiguring kind, but it’s enough to make me really self conscious. In the US, with my spotty medical insurance, I either couldn’t afford the treatments or the doctor, or they were reluctant to put me on anything other that antibiotics, which didn’t clear up my face and left my body virtually defenceless against everything that might require antibiotics (think really painful kidney infections). So basically I was screwed and still had zits. Now I have the best derm I have ever seen (and I have seen many). He is Italian and speaks no English. I glad I went with him regardless (I had a REALLY bad experience with an English speaking doctor in Rome, I will write about that soon). He had no hesitations putting me on accutane, something I have wanted forever. I am so happy! It’s been 3 months and my skin looks clearer than I can ever remember. I’ve had some gnarly side effects like back pain and crazy chapped lips, but it was nothing like suffering from the breakouts I had previously. Thank god I have universal healthcare, that’s all I can say.
In other news, I wanted to thank everyone for their advice on my blog conundrum. I still might switch over to a new site though LOL. I have great new ideas for a complete overhaul. I am kinda leaning toward moving and recreating a new pretty blog, but it is nice to know that if I get lazy none of you will care that much! Thanks buddies!
Still no word on our exact move date. GRRR. However, Daniele has been poked to death with all sorts of needles in preparation. He has to get every vaccine known to man since he will be in Afghanistan and Iraq. Poor pookie.
I used Accutane twice and it was amazing. I still have a lot of scars but my face looks much better compared to when I was a kid. I hope you’ll write more about your life in Italy. It’s so interesting.
Yeah the Dr. is taking me off it this summer because of the heat? But if I need to I will go back on in September. I’ll be writing more, It’s just hard with the back pain. Did you have side effects? -Jessica
You had acne? You never had it at home????
I am skilled with the makeup brush lol-jessica
OOOOOH. Been there, baby. I hear ya. I’m Italian, so I can say this: “Italians can be some of the most obnoxious people on the face of this earth!” I had many of the same experiences myself, being treated like an idiot for not responded just the way some stupid Roman would have liked me to. And damn, it IS annoying! I am irked for you, really I am.
Thanks for the encouragement. I am reading your blog and have added it to my reader, it’s so interesting and hilarious!-Jessica
Had many of those moments myself, and they’re always frustrating. People don’t realize that when you’re learning, you can’t possibly pay attention 100% of the time. Especially annoying b/c I do this in English too–not pay attention and not realize when someone is talking to me. It’s a survival technique. People talk about pretty stupid things sometimes and I simply can’t be bothered with *all* of it
It does get easier, of course, and you’ll get to the point where you have a hard time blocking out inane conversations in Italian…another annoying thing.
That’s just it, I space out in English all the time, it’s just my character. Here it’s more of a survival mechanism. If I tried to take in ALL the Italian my head would pop off, sprout legs and get the hell out of here. Thanks for your words, I know you have totally been there. -jessica
Sounds like you are have a frustrating time of it Jessica
I think your Cyber Italian will get you back on track. I’d go back into that bar and speak to that barista like 1,000 miles an hour in English…and then shrug your shoulders and say *What, non capisco*..and then leave 
Good plan!-Jessica
Oh, Jessica! Be sure to let us know how that new class comes out for you! I am VERY tempted. I, like you, need structure. We don’t even have the 450 euro option down here in no mans land!!
Oh, and I get that “she still doesn’t understand” sometimes, but it is usually from someone saying something super technical, that I might not even get in English!!
I will keep you informed, so far so good!-jessica
Poor Jessica! Stupid bar tender man…But I cannot believe you were paying 450 euro for the italian course…that is INSANE amounts of money. Go for the on line one. I guess it is too late to tell you know, but those who are staying in Rome where is a course that I did which was 11 euro for the entire year (public school near Piazza Esqualino) It is funded by the council thus the reason it is free (11 is for the photo copies) It is only applicable however if you have an Italian passport or a work permit so I know that rules a few people out.
That was actually the cheapest school I found for extensive courses. I don’t have the passport, but when I looked into the free school there was a huge waiting list. Not sure if it was the same one or not.-jessica
Hey, I think I am going to register with Cyber Italian online this weekend. They ask for a referall name… so if you want to email me your user name, I’ll put you in. Just in case you’d get something cool…
If it makes you feel any better, I know I have WAY less Italian skills than you do! Just throw things are the bartender next time!
Yay a cyber buddy! I don’t know if have more skills than you, if I remember right you have studied for much longer (and at your own will). Haha-jessica
hang in there Jessica… ask him how well he speaks English. It’s not easy moving to a foreign country and learning a new language. You’ll get there.
Thanks Joe!-jessica
Hey there, how can I find you on Facebook?
I messaged you on OD!-jessica
RYN: my skin was so dry and I was peeling all the time. I didn’t want to be near smoke or be smoking. I didn’t even drink during that period, I think. It worked great and just have lotion in handy wherever you go in order to moisturise your skin.
Yeah I watch my alcohol intake (wine) and my cholesterol. My blood tests were thru the roof last time, so I need to pay better attention. My Dr. prescribed an awesome lotion and a SPF above 50! I was outside for just a few minutes and my arm is really sunburned! Lesson learned.-jessica
Good luck with the Italian classes- and with the ML :-)
Thanks girl!-jessica
Dear Jessica,
am following your blog already a while… I suppose you dropped out of school because the lessons were not as funny and effective as you wanted them to be? Why don’t you and your husband take some vacation in southern Italy, where we have an Italian language school directly by the sea (by the way, the only recognised ILS in southern italy, which is a quality control for your reference)? It would be a real pleasure to have you here with us to study at our school… I am sure also your MIL will like that idea ;-)
you can e-mail me directly: marketing@piccolauniversitaitaliana.com
http://www.piccolauniversitaitaliana.com
Looking forward to hearing from you soon
Simone from the Piccola Università Italiana
Thanks for the offer, but I think it is a bit far and the last thing I would want to do on vacation is take Italian lessons! -jessica
Girl, I did the Accutane thing like 7-8 years ago and was SO pleased! I remember that the chapped lips sucked… and I won’t lie: I got addicted to chap stick and still have to keep some on me to this day. But it’s not as bad as when I was actually on the meds. My sister skin is worse than mine and she’s on it now and looking a lot clearer. I still get occasional breakouts and have to be on top of washing my face and all, but I was way happy with the results!
I keep like 10 chapsticks in my purse, all over my desk and next to the couch. Haha! It’s my life saver.-jessica
I know how you feel with the Italian language thing. It’s awful isn’t it when you spend your days speaking Italian, talking to doctors, MILs, bar owners etc and getting your point across. Then you may one little mistake (or in your case not a mistake) and people act like you don’t speak Italian.
Another annoying thing is when they say to you, in Italian (of course because usually these people are completely monolingual themselves) “dooo youuu speeeak Iiiitalllian?” I just say to them (in Italian) “well, what language do you think we’re speaking right now?” or “no, not a word, let’s speak English shall we?”
In my case, I think the accent is compounded by the fact that I’m the stereotypical straniera - tall and blonde. Some people just can’t wrap their heads around the fact that a nearly 6 foot tall blonde woman might speak Italian!
I didn’t realize you were tall too! I am 5′10 and feel like an awkward giant here! It’s even more apparent when I am standing next to my husband who is a good 3-4 inches shorter-lol-jessica
Hah, okay, how about when you don’t respond fast enough and they roll their eyes and STOP SPEAKING TO YOU ALTOGETHER AND LOOK TOTALLY ANNOYED BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO BOTHER WITH? So you complete your transaction (or whatever) in strained silence, say “Grazie!” and they don’t even respond. Those of us from Canada and the U.S. are so used to people speaking English with all kinds of accents that not only are we NOT RUDE about it, we aren’t even phased. I am always surprised that people living in a world capital can be so . . . provincial.
LC
I hear ya, I was used to accents or people with beginning English in Seattle. I hoped I never made them feel how I do now. I remember working retail and this guy would come in. He had just moved from China and we’d spend at least an hour trying to get through what he needed. It wasn’t a big deal, he was just another customer. I think Seattle peeps are really tolerant, understanding, and willing to help. It’s sad to see on the news these rednecks with their anti-immigration signs yelling “learn English!”. It’s disgusting.-jessica
Jessica,
I understand the frustrations you’re going thru. But, isn’t it the same for people immigrating to the US and trying to learn English? They’re being labelled and misunderstood too. Heaven forbid if they speak with an accent. I think it’s pretty common if the people are “monolingual” like you said and have no idea how difficult it is to learn a foreign language and that it takes time.
So, take your time and shake off all the comments your hear.
Do you have skype? We can converse in Italian?
Actually I think there is BIG difference between learning English in the states and learning Italian in Italy. For one, America is based on immigration. At least half of my friends in high school had immigrated and had an accent. This wasn’t a big deal either, it actually made them more popular in school. Living n Seattle as an adult I dealt with people who had little or no English on a daily basis (Seattle has a large Asian immigration population). I never said or thought “Learn English” we just mimed until we understood each other. In my opinion, there are millions more people migrating or who have migrated to the USA so the tolerance level is much higher than here in Italy. Maybe you had a different experience in the States? Here in Italy, most people think I am east European until I say I am American, as you might guess, there is little tolerance here for E. Europeans so I am often treated rudely until they hear my accent or am told I am American. Also, every school, community college, church or community center in the states offers free English as a second language to foreigners. Here in Italy I have heard of one free/reduced class, maybe, with a long waiting list and this is in the Capital city, so I imagine there is less help in the more rural areas. Here you are expected to shell out hundreds of euro if you want to learn the language. But I must say, there has been many Italians that were patient enough to hear me out (as I spoke very broken Italian), mime with me and help me. It’s just frustrating when you work on something for a year and a half and you still feel like you are swimming with cement shoes! Also, I never said that anyone was monolingual in my post, so I don’t know what you mean by that. The barman actually speaks a little English (a little) and I think French. Anyway, I appreciate your comment and support even though we have different opinions!-jessica
I had to write back — that’s so interesting about people assuming you’re Eastern European when you look at the government that’s just been elected. Berlusconi is anti-E. European immigration and now Rome has a new mayor who while campaigning promised that if he was elected he’d throw out a whole bunch of immigrants. I believe that having “leaders” with these attitudes has made the average person here less friendly and tolerant toward us *stranieri* than even a couple of years ago. Anybody else think this or is it just me?
LC
Hey Elsie!
Yeah it got pretty bad. We were treated like crap from the comune and even the neighborhood priest (part of the reason I said hell no to a catholic wedding)who just assumed I was Romanian. Then after I pulled out the U.S. passport there was a huge sign of relief and they treated me like gold. So sad. I am for there being immigration restrictions, but sometimes the racism is just too obvious and in your face. -Jessica
Your cyber classes sound very interesting. I tend to speak far too quietly, because i’m nervous and then have to repeat myself because ‘they’ haven’t heard me, somehow the second time it always comes out wrong. I sometimes just pretend to be mute.
By the way I have to say that you sure give good blog girl, it always makes me smile to read your posts.
I find I am really shy in “my Italian life”. Which is weird because I am so outgoing and extroverted when I can speak English and am around people with a common background. I hope it changes as I learn more Italian, we’ll see. I also pretend to be deaf! Haha! I even thought about practicing “sono sorda” with slurry speech, but then I thought that could be seen as crazy especially if they knew I wasn’t deaf or if my phone happened to ring at that moment. Oh well! Thanks for the compliment! I feel the same way when I read your blog!-jessica
Ciao Jessica,
grazie for responding to my comment and I don’t think we’re that different in opinion after all. I was speaking from experience when I was learning English in the States and also regarding my family who still has a heavy accent. Forty years ago (for me) and before immigrants (Italians) did not have the opportunities that are being offered now to other ethnic groups and were being prejudiced against. (Perhaps, that’s a whole different post.)
Since I speak also Italian I can’t really relate to your feelings, but you know what? I get a lot pressure/blame from my family as to why my husband and kids didn’t learn Italian, they blame it all on me for not teaching them! They’re probably right, but they have to want to learn it, I can’t shove it in their brain like magic.
So, you’re assolutamente corretta. Also, it wasn’t you that said “monolingual” it was another commenter, sorry for the mixup.
Hang in there!
Thanks for the support and encouragement Carole! It is so appreciated! I am glad you came back and elaborated, I totally understand where you are coming from!-Jessica
Hi! I found your site from some other expat sites. I also live in a village outside Rome, and have had a few bad experiences at the local bars. Once when I was really overtired I got into a mix-up putting in a complex cornetti order. The girl behind the bar was impatient and rude and I burst into tears, to the horror of my all-male company! Luckily the bar owner seemed quite upset by the scene and has been extra-attentive to me ever since!
I also get irritated when people ask OTHER PEOPLE I’m with if I can speak Italian/how well I can speak Italian- surely it’s worth trying out this simple demand with me first?!
Hope you get on well with your new fun-sounding lessons.
I’ve totally be on the verge of tears countless times. I know what you mean. What comune do you live in? I am out in Lunghezza for now (near the mall).-Jessica
Hey Jessica!
I came here from Stumbleupon and your post was so interesting that I had to stay.
I am really sorry you had a few bad experiences. You really should not let this annoy you. I am from Iraq and and I’ve been living in Spain for two years. At the beginning I had a few experiences like that. Like Spaniards, most Italians can not speak English well. Try responding fast in American English and enjoy the moment. I’ve done this a few times, with the added advantage of knowing Arabic and two other ”local” languages from Iraq. It somehow gives me a feeling of satisfaction, especially when you see them go ”Eh?”. Just pass the confusion to them.
In general, the US is WAY more tolerant when it comes to foreigners than countries like Italy or Spain. I went to the US three years ago (my first time outside Iraq) as an exchange student and I spent 11 months there. While I wasn´t your typical exchange student (I spoke very good English as a result of years of learning & 6 months translating for the US troops in Iraq), I can testify that other exchange students with (very) strong accents were very well-received. After all, the US is built on immigration as you said. I was pleasantly surprised with how Americans treat foreigners.
In the US, foreign students were ”popular” and treated very nicely. Here in Spain foreign students are marganalized and can not really integrate if they are not VERY outgoing like me. I know two girls (one from US and the other from Canada) who spent the last scholar year here and no one ever tried to get close to them or show them around. They spent most of the time at my place later on because they just did not have any chance to integrate.
That said, there are several places in the US where the treatment is similar. I spent my time there in rather open-minded areas (in San Francisco for 6 months and the rest in Northern Virigina). I have been to places in Wisconsin, South Dakota, and Texas wher e I got mad as hell -and had a few fights- because of people’s stupidity and horrible treatment.
Keep it up and do not let small things annoy you.
Have a great day,
Mody
Mody, Thank you for sharing your experience. It really gives me perspective in this situation!-jessica
Jessica - hey so we’re both tall! It’s hard being tall here as it’s so hard to find clothes. Thank God for H&M - since they’re a Swedish chain they seem to carry taller sizes. And everyone stares at me - specially now that I have the big pregnant belly as well.