I admit there was once a time when learning Italian sounded fun and interesting. I had even investigated the Italian conversation classes at the local community college in Spokane. I figured it would be fun to say a few phrases to my long distance Italian boyfriend. Well, that all changed when we decided living on different continents sucked and we really wanted to be together. No more Italian conversation classes (probably taught in English, I’m guessing) to be learned at my leisure just for the fun of it. When I got off the 15 hour plane, Italian became a sink or swim necessity. The first few months I just listened hoping to absorb anything. When that didn’t work I signed up for the 2 week intensive course and the worst school ever. I was terrified and realized I only really knew how to say “ciao”. It was humiliating. The teacher was mean, and even though it was an “absolute beginner” class, I was the only one that wasn’t able to converse casually. I think this is probably where my attitude about learning Italian changed. I hated the school, hated feeling like the stupidest person on Earth and just wanted to crawl in bed and cry. I decided to at least switch schools, take an extensive course (only 2 days a week) and try to be positive. At the new school I loved my teacher, the secretary was friendly and all was conducive for me to learn this crazy language. That is…until I became the problem.
I don’t understand why I am still SO UNMOTIVATED to learn. After a year of twice a week courses (minus 2 months around the wedding and the summer when there are no classes) I can hold a conversation and am mostly comfortable talking to my in laws, but I am only at about a level 3 (of 9) or B1 (depending on which classification you are using). When I feel like I am making progress, a wrench is thrown into my confidence and my brain shuts off. Currently I am in pronomi hell. I kind of feel like I get it, but then I always mess up. I think I have a learning disorder when it comes to Italian. I took German in high school and I was the best in the class, even the German club president! I currently have a 3.9 in my (distance) college courses and am on the Dean’s list. What’s wrong with me? I have bought exercise book after exercise book and I attempt to fill in the blanks, only to get totally confused and frustrated. Then I give up, flip Sky Vivo to English and remember the good ole days where I was understood and witty in America.
Then about every 2 months I completely break down, sob for hours to Daniele about how I hate Italian, Rome and everything having to do with anything. I know “piano piano” and all that crap, but sometimes I feel like I will never learn. I will be a bumbling idiot forever.
I also hate it when I meet people in school who have been here for 3 months and can speak just as well as I can without ever taking lessons. It really drives home the fact that I completely suck at this.
I did however, buy more exercise books, one only for I Pronomi so hopefully it help rather than collect dust like the other ones I have bought.
*SIGH*
I think I am my own worst enemy.
Have you ever tried teaching yourself, at your own pace and using only what tools interest you?
I tried taking a class in college and I hated it, so I taught myself Italian. I bought a verb book, a vocab book and a grammar book, and I picked each at my leisure and only studied it until I was sick of it, then picked up the next one, each in turn until they were all finished. I reread my favorite books in Italian. I watched my favorite movies with Italian subtitles, and in Italian only as well if I knew the lines well enough already. I stuck post-its on every conceivable object in my house of their names in Italian. And I eavesdropped all the damn time (which I find a lot of fun in Rome in particular). I couldn’t write a doctoral dissertation, but I’ve gone days without speaking English since about a year and a half after I moved. But I could never have done it in a formal setting.
OH, and song lyrics. Any Italian song that struck my fancy melodically, I translated into English so I could understand it, then practiced singing it in Italian.
When I come to Rome, we’ll chat in Italian and laugh!
woah! i sent you an email before I read this. I completely understand you on learning a new language. I’m awful at it even when Luca tries to teach me I just don’t get it and so I feel crazy and incompetant. It’s been a year and nothing. Since learning Italian is a must maybe we can work on it together.
Oh, I feel your language woes! When I lived in China everyone thought I was either quiet or stupid because of my poor language skills — the fact that I am ethnically Chinese (but American and thus did not grow up speaking Mandarin) did not help!
Language is power. I realized this on my recent trip to Rome when I was out to dinner with a large group of Italians and had no idea what they were saying for 99% of the night. In the remaining 1%, they took pity on me and spoke English, but then they would inevitably switch back.
So often in learning a language there is that one BIG moment where everything starts to click and get easier. I think you are building up to that moment! I know it’s hard and frustrating. Remember, life is long, your Italian will improve, be kind to yourself.
I hear you loud and clear!! I have tried for two years to learn Italian and all I know is “ciao”
When I was in Italy in October, I felt like a complete idiot because I could not converse with any of my friends in Italian, I could not order food, I could not ask directions…
All I could say was “ciao” and “grazie”
I went on tour with a girl who just learnt Italian by using those Berlitz tapes and she was practically fluent!!
I listen to Italian music and watch films too but I’m still unable to understand it.
I wish you the best of luck and just want to encourage you!
If it makes you feel better, I am barely able to handle the things on this language learning website…
http://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/italian/lj/menu.shtml
So many Italian words sound the same! Chiasa, chiave, chiamo. Dispiace and piace and pesce. Trying to add into that the formal and informal ways of saying things only makes it more frustrating (for me).
Do you dream in Italian? I have heard that dreaming in a second language is always your sign that you know it really well.
Povera Jessica!
I know how you feel…I HATE those people who tell you it took them one day to learn Italian when it is taking me FOREVER! I feel like a baby all the time, and my memory is so bad that I cannot ever remember words. It took me about one year to learn the stupid word for cherry (chiliega or something…who knows how it is spelt that is another story!) My boyfriend and everyone kept making me repeat this word and I for the life of me COULD NOT REMEMBER IT.
I feel that people maybe think I am slow or something…and to tell you the truth I was in school in Rome for a few weeks, and they put me in intermediate because there was only 3 levels, and everyone had lived in Italy for ever and spoke fluently, but I could barely speak…and I was so stressed I started crying in class….IN THE CLASS ROOM I STARTED TO CRY LIKE A BABY!
Oh cara I think we’ve all been there. I wish I had some magic words of advice, but unfortunately this just takes time–but the breakthrough will come if you keep working at it.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was actually quite lucky when I got together with Paolo, speaker of NO English. My Italian didn’t have a choice but to improve dramatically
oh u poor thing! the pic says it all! lol interaction with native speakers worked wonders for me back in 04 and till this day I still watch italian movies with subtitles to help refresh my memory and i listen to italian music as well..also your dedication and drive to learn is an important factor too and i think you have that already =) keep up the studying at your own pace and you’ll make progress soon..don’t be too hard on yourself.. xoxo.
Don’t worry you’ll absorb Italian by living there if you stay away from English speakers. Unless, you are tone deaf like me! Good luck.
Hugs to you, Jessica! I wish I lived nearby; we could study together.
It sounds to me like you have made tremendous progress. At least you can hold a conversation! I can understand what people are saying, but I am often too shy to jump into the conversation. Boy, can I relate to how you when you say, “remember the good ole days where I was understood and witty in America.”
Maybe you need a break from Italian lessons? You probably don’t realize how much you have improved. It can be hard to see one’s own progress, especially when you are expecting so much from yourself.
There’s got to be a way you can give yourself a break from all those heavy feelings and expectations: Feeling like it’s supposed to be a certain way…Feeling obligated…Comparing yourself to others… Ugh!
Everyone learns in their own way and at their own pace. Don’t be so hard on yourself. There’s got to be a way you can make learning Italian fun again, or at least a more enjoyable challenge.
Maybe if you make a list of all your favorite things to do, you can see if there’s some way you can combine a fun activity with learning Italian.
Anyway, best wishes with someone who is also far from fluent! And another big hug to you!!!
keep at it, keep at it. i’ve been trying off and on to learn the crazy language since 2004 and feel like i’m no further than i was at the beginning.
give yourself more credit. even if you just learn one thing everyday you’re improving. and i totally know what you mean about getting down on yourself and letting your italian grammar books collect dust…..it helps me if i set a time everyday (usually around the same time of day) and take my books and cds to a library or coffee shop and do it all there. sometimes it just helps to change settings.
and in the meantime i would use your resources to your advantage and have D only speak italian to you….even if it’s just a few hours a day.
you’ll have your “ah hah” moment eventually…..all this waiting for it will make it that much better!
Aww… My mom’s been struggling with English for, like, 40+ years now, and is still trying (she’s a very stubborn lady)! LOL
No, seriously, just think of the fact that when you studied German you were younger, and a younger brain processes and absorbs language skills faster. Plus, German has the same linguistic roots as English, while Italian is a so-called neo-Latin language (like French and Spanish). No panic, it’s tricky but it’s less tragic than it sounds.
Don’t compare yourself to others, it’s not a competition, you’re just trying to learn a new language (and don’t believe those who tell you it took them 5 minutes to learn - they’re either liars or freaks. Neither of which is a good thing, in my book.). If you can understand your in-laws you can’t be as bad at it as you seem to think you are! Even Italian-born people often struggle with their own language, go figure… also, making mistakes helps too, as after you spot and correct them you’ll surely remember the correct answer better.
Ce la puoi fare, coraggio!
[...] big thanks to everyone who commented and emailed me regarding my last post on my Italian struggles. It was one of those days where I just felt like my head would explode if I didn’t write [...]
I am so glad I’m not the only one. I am trying to be all proactive and get a basic knowledge before I move to Italy but I totally SUCK at it. It probably doesnt help that Stefano and I only speak in English. AND I took a lot of French in school so I get that mixed up with Italian and with the little bit of Spanish I know. sigh why am I not motivated?
Hey, I think you should take a year long class and have conversation with Daniele in italiano. I did a year course but I didn’t have that much hard time. Can you enroll in University or better language school? Good luck!
Hi Jessica,
I also studied Italian as a foreign language and now teach it to younger and older students. I can understand your frustration when you are trying to get a handle on particular aspects of grammar. My advice is to try to purposely use it in everyday conversation and if you get it wrong it is not an issue. If you are studying pronouns, try and identify them in the things you listen to daily (eg conversation, television and magazines). Look at how they have been used and in what context. What are some patterns that you can identify in their use? I’m not sure which pronomi your studying but try to break them up into segments (eg masculine/feminine/singular/plural) and learn them in little bite-sized pieces. Jessica it will take a while to develop 100% fluency and accuracy. If you focus on developing your fluency (ie everyday communication) this will build your confidence -you can then focus later on on improving your accuracy (ie grammar).
I by no means claim to be an expert on language teaching and learning but these are some strategies that I and my students have used to become happy communicators in Italians.
If you want more tips regarding learning grammar email me ok?
Ciao bella
Great advice! Thank you I will try it out. -Jessica
I guess I have to say what everyone else has to say - but I’ve definitely been there. Sometimes I have these “bad Italian days” and it just seems so impossible to have to speak Italian all the time. But at other times, I’m suddenly fluent and amazed that I know how to say certain things.
What I think is that maybe classes just aren’t working for you and you need to study at your own pace (like expatica said). Also - don’t compare yourself with others! I know that when I did an Italiain class 3 years ago the class was full of Spanish, Portugese and French speakers - for them speaking (bad) Italian was a cinch. I found myself hanging out with this really nice Japanese student in the class who made me feel better (she was very smart and hardworking but it was waaay harder for her to learn Italian even than me!) But basically you just have to only compete with yourself and avoid comparing yourself to others.
I envy you that you have a whole Italian family to chat with every day. My H is Dutch and he speaks 7 languages (don’t ask!) - his English is perfect so it seems silly to speak Italian, which is neither of our native language. We only speak Italian when we go out with his Italian friends. I have to speak quite a lot of Italian at work though which helps.
Listen lady!! Keep your chin up! Your Italian can’t be that bad. You are just experiencing the same syndrome that I have. You want to be perfect. You want to know it ALL RIGHT NOW!!!! You are impatient…you are a perfectionist. Been there, done that!!!
Well, that is not going to happen. Why don’t you think of how far you have come?. In the US…I am sure there was a time that you knew NO Italian at all!!! Right! Well…look at how far you have come.
I would kill to be in Italy…trying to practice and absorb the language. You will learn it. Plus, you are young.
Imagine me…in the US…no Italians around and I am 40 years old..just starting. You have got to be farther along than me!
Buona Fortuna!
I’m facing the same thing, but with French which we are forced to learn it at college. In order to learn a language quickly and properly, you have to love the hell out of it. I love Italian so much and I have never took courses and yet I understand some stuff.
My advice is to just clear your mind, believe in yourself and work hard. Make the learning process as a fun thing to do. Just learn words and use them daily as to make things click together.
…. and I hope I will pass the French exam this week! Oghhhh!
After 20 comments saying basically the same thing you may not need to hear it but - I totally understand what you’re saying. I’ve been studying Italian in the US for upwards of six years now, but I’m the laziest student ever and I certainly don’t sound like I’ve got that long under my belt. I feel like a fool when I get halfway through a (very simple) conversation with an Italian, only to lose the plot and stare at them like a deer in headlights. If I stop concentrating on *everysingleword* for a split second, I feel like I’ve fallen off a moving train and I can’t get back on. And to make matters worse, I not only want to understand/be understood, I want to be as clever and witty in Italian as I am in English! Ha!
The good news (there’s always good news!) is that on this trip to Italy my Italian is much improved over last time. It’s noticeable even to me, and that’s saying something. I still have those falling-off-the-moving-train moments, but then I have deliriously happy moments where I converse in Italian only for several hours over dinner with complete strangers. It comes and goes, as I’m sure it will for many years to come.
Hang in there. You really aren’t alone. Should we start a support group??
hi, i read your blog now and then and read this particular post of yours.
don’t get down about learning a new language, i know it is really tough but think that you will be able to understand a whole new society, wouldn’t that be fun? i was in your shoes last year when i learned danish and the language was so hard because it is not pronounced like the way it is written so you have to guess and most of your guesses would be wrong and i was so frustrated and thought it would be impossible to learn it but i did it………so maybe that would motivate you a bit…..
good luck!
Do you really want to stay in Italy?
Language is a necessity and also a barrier: taking it in school will make it also a duty.
I started to LEARN English when I stopped taking classes. Instead, I bought DVD and watched my favourite movies in English with subs. The first movies I watched were almost lost time, but now that I can understand 95% of what it is said and 100% of the plot I feel so proud. Yet, when I come to speak with an English mothertongue I get back to the school-a-like English, because I am not sure of my pronunciation. Why don’t you look for someone to make a language exchange with? Someone who is not your boyfriend and that feels to English like you feel to Italian.