I don’t know what it was about yesterday, but if there was a creepy dude within a mile radius, they all flocked toward me. I started up Italian classes again, this time deciding to go at night rather than in the morning. The main reason is it’s way easier to take the train and the metro in evening (when heading towards Rome) because most people are taking the trains out of Rome at that time. Most mornings I was wedged into a train car with hundreds of other commuters, barley able to breathe or move. Not fun. So I was actually looking forward to riding the train into the center with only a few other people, plenty of open seats and relish in the opportunity to read or listen to my iPod.
I arrived early to the stop, which was a mistake because the train is always AT LEAST 20-25 minutes late. So being punctual put me in the rain that much longer…and in the path of a variety of “interesting” individuals.
It started of innocently enough. A man came up to me and asked what time the train was coming, and if it was usually this late. I answered back in Italian that it was about 15 minutes late and yes, this was nothing new. When hearing my accent I got the “where are you from?” “I like American women!” which is the battle cry of many freaks in this country. Trying to get out of the situation, I inched away and grabbed my cell phone and tried to call 3 people, but sadly no one answered. Then I tried giving the international “leave me alone” signal by putting earphones in and not making eye contact with anyone.
As soon as I thought my plan was working, enter freak number two. Who also happened to wearing earphones, who was yelling loudly over his music trying to talk to me over my music. Then it was basically a repeat of the first scenario, but with a Death Cab For Cutie soundtrack.
I breathed a sigh of relief when the train pulled in, and though I was in the clear when I sat down. Suddenly, Creep Show #2 appeared this time with his creepy friend and they both popped a squat within inches of me. With the entire car empty except for two other women, I was thoroughly annoyed and cursed the god that created men like these. By this time, I had not only my earphones in, but a book in front of my face and that wasn’t enough. Creep Show #2 incessantly grilled me about why an American was at this train station, what did for a living and where I was going. I said I was married, to a big, strong, ragingly jealous Italian, and then he turned the subject away from me and on to whether I had any “hot American friends”. GAWD!
When the train pulled into Tiburtina, I lost him although he made me take his number down to give to my “hot American friends” and then I booked it towards the metro. I arrived at my Piazza Bologna and was walking up the escalator when Creep Show #3 started gibbering at me in what I initially thought was Italian, but couldn’t be sure. The only words I could make out was sporco and immaginare. This wasn’t some druggie or anything either. He was a well dressed 40-ish guy. But, at this point, I wasn’t going to imagine anything dirty with anyone, so I booked it for school. Leaving him to scream “Ciao! Ciao!” after my hurried footsteps.
What. the. hell.
I have to go to school again tomorrow, and I don’t think I can handle another trip like this. The last time I had a run in on the public transportation system was when a creepy dude kept rubbing his package on my leg while I was sitting on a bus. I didn’t ride again for months after that, and I generally try to avoid the bus at all costs now.
Make me feel better, what are your public transport horror stories?
Did Mama ever tell us there’d be days like THIS? You’re not alone. It’s all part of big city living. Try being felt up on the New York City subway. Not uncommon, but still ever so disturbing. Maybe you should wear sunglasses next time?
I avoid public transportation at all costs. You poor thing. I once rode the subway in an empty car and a flasher directly across from me. With no way out. haha
I lived in New York for 4 years and I can honestly say nothing like that ever happened to me, even when coming home at 3am on the subway. I always felt safe. I did however witness quite a bit of things happening to other people. I saw this one lady turning tricks in between rail cars, yeah, in between rail cars and when the train stopped, her John ran like a bat outta hell and she was left screaming, “What about my money!!??”
Rose: Yes she did! Thanks for the tip!!
Maryann: How awful!!! When I lived in Seattle if you stayed out of downtown you could ride the bus in peace. I took it to work because my company paid for it, and it was mostly Microsoft nerds. Rome is a different ball game, there are freaks everywhere!
Piccola: OMG! THAT is freak show!!!
Nothing crazy like that happened to me except when I was younger a crazy man came up to me as I was entering the metro, to tell me that he didn’t like the way I was on the bus…I just stood there and listened to his crap then walked away. I wanted to tell him off but I just froze. Good thing there was no freaks in Copenhagen except homeless people who try to sell you magazines at the train station.
I hope the next train ride is smoother for you. Maybe you can tell them, “che cazzo vuoi?!”. Hehehe…
When you board the train, sit close to any other women on it (NEVER sit in an empty compartment). Sitting alone probably looks like an invitation to these idiots. Strike up a preventive conversation with the women if necessary.
And don’t put up with crap like guys rubbing on you. Start yelling loudly: “Che cazzo fai, stronzo!?” He’ll make excuses - “Who, me? I’m not doing anything!” but everyone around will know exactly what he’s up to.
Days like that would be good for a girl to know a little American sign language and pretend to be a hearing impaired mute. If not, there’s always good old international sign language. Stories like yours are why we fathers worry about our little girls traveling alone in big cities. Stay safe.
That sounds awful. Similar things have happened to me over the years and I always think of a great, offensive comeback only afterwards when the guy’s gone - and I wish I’d come out with it at the time! Some old freak stroked my hand as I held the handrail on the metro once and a normal, young guy standing next to me actually jumped to my defence and had a go at him… I suggest you keep your mouth shut so that they don’t know you’re “foreign”!
so sorry to hear about your freak show. it happens to the best of us. I had a good number of unfortunate incidents while in Italy. Although the worst was definitely in Spain when an old man, no younger than 75 followed me for at least 5 blocks with no more than 5 inches behind me. FREAK
be careful…..esp. since it’s night. this sounds crazy but when i’m uncomfortable in these types of situations i carry my keys in my hand with the sharpest sticking out.
sucks but sometimes you gotta be prepared.
goodluck in the future!
I use to commute by bus and I had this same young “creepy” man sit next to me on the bus. I would read or pretend to be sleeping. He’d always lean over and whisper sweet nothings to me. I’m sure he thought I was his girlfriend. Away, I completely ignored him and he soon got the picture.
I feel for your pain!!!
RYN: Thank you for your comment on OD. It’ll be a small wedding because I don’t have many friends, so it’ll be family and close buddies of mine. However, it’ll become a problem if my fiance doesn’t have any best man then I can’t have a maid of honor.
In NY, I once sat across from a guy who jerked off under a newspaper he held on his lap. And then a year later? I SAT ACROSS FROM HIM AGAIN.
I’ve had the dry-humping guys on crowded buses in Rome (the 105 is my own personal circle of hell) but usually I turn around and go, “Aho. Davvero??!!” And they stop.
Jessica - So sorry you had to endure that….if I was you, I would get some pepper spray…just in case someone would try anything. You would at least have some protection. I know that had to be scary for you. Can you take your classes online? Be safe and take care. Marian
PS: I have a step-granddaughter also named Jessica that lives in Santa Fe, NM.
Bluefish: Small weddings are the best anyways! I know it will be beautiful!
Deirdrè: I am always really careful to sit near other women on the train. Thanks for you advice!!
Gil: I actually considered pretending to deaf and practiced ” sono sorda!” We’ll see how it works out.
Emma: This always happens to me, thinking of something to say afterwards…especially since this happens to me in just normal Italian conversations–grrr…
Eryn: Being followed would be terrifying!!! At least my freaks knew to give up.
Sierra: EWW! Thanks for sharing
Miss Expatria: That’s so disgusting!!! How crazy you ended up next to him again! Yeah when the dude on the bus rubbed himself on me I got up and moved to the other side of the bus. Then he started doing it to someone else!!!
Marian: Thanks for the support. I am not sure if pepper spray is legal here, I will have to find out
I lived on The Deuce, 42nd St., for 13 years, before it was Disneyfied, so there were a lot of freaks roaming around. In a way, it was better than it is now, because it used to be a neighborhood.
Now, I commute into the city occasionally, and the worst are the drunken yuppies on Friday nights throwing up into paper bags.
If someone bugs me, I ask them once nicely to leave me alone and if that doesn’t work, I ask not so nicely, and if THAT doesn’t work, I say, “back off, freak boy, before I cut off your balls and feed them to you.”
That pretty much works.
In my European travels as much as in New York.
PS I’m also more than prepared to back it up.
[...] this is an update from the other day. I told my Mother in Law what happened at the bus station. She let out a few mortacci’s and [...]
I feel for you Jessica. It is the one thing about Rome that my sister disliked - the sheer volume of male perverts. She lived outside of the city and commuted in daily, plus had to run many errands that took her through the Termini and on the metro system several times in a day and she had so many encounters. Initially they shocked her, eventually she just learned to reject the unwanted advances in the strongest possible way and move out of their range as quickly as possible.
Here in Dublin we get freaks of the muttering to themselves variety, with various forms of twitching and occasional incontinence thrown in for good measure, but thankfully harassment of others on the public transport system is not that common.
I feel for you - I take the metro to work (line A) every day and I walk around Rome all the time (no car.) I’ve had so many encounters with freaks like you describe that I’ve lost count. I think there are a lot of perverts here in Rome and they all seem to have some kind of weird attraction to foreign women. Who knows why?
I remember when I first moved here, the first nice spring day I went for a walk and had 3 different guys grab me or say perverted things to me. It just felt so awful when I was working so hard to fit in and learn the language. I also had a bunch of guys in a car follow me home one night when I was out late and took public transport home.
I lived in New York before I moved here and never had a single problem - even when I took the subway home at 2am. In Rome, I guess there is some kind of “code” that women should not be out alone past a certain hour - also I think there are some really racist stereotypes about foreign women here.
I still get quite a bit of the staring/perverted comments thing since I’m very tall and blonde and really stick out like a sore thumb. But I’ve noticed that now that I’m pregnant they tend to stare at my stomache rather than my boobs!
Oh, that’s miserable. I’ve been on the Rome metro and remember it as particularly crowded and smelly but mercifully pervert-free in my short experience. I did, however, get the dry humping thing a couple of times in Buenos Aires. It’s really, really horrible and definitely has something to do with being foreign, I think. Just have some nice Italian wine and try and wipe it out of your mind!
(PS, I’m enjoying your site, I just hopped here from another expat site in NY).
Lol that sucks. I’ve noticed even *I* get hit on by weird dudes in the city at night. It makes me wish I wasn’t so polite sometimes. And/or that certain people took their medications like they’re supposed to, yeah? Glad you’re okay though.